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Repeat "I deserved the truth" You are fighting that reality with every inch of your soul. No peaches, you can't and it would only be another delusion. Peal off those filters you are viewing your past through, inch by painful fucking inch. Try not to ask why just look at what IS. Repeat "I deserved the truth" And then ask yourself why you won't even give that to yourself?
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I'm with you on ownership, I don't own a home, car and very little in the form of household goods and half of the money I earn goes to others close to me that need financial assistance now. The more you have the bigger the chains.
Sounds like it's time for a fresh start. I strongly suggest networking where it won't cost you too much money, if you got the money network with the succesfuls. Networking has turned me onto great folks, jobs in the past and outside opportunities that have paid off.
Just keeping an open ear can be beneficial in these circles.
Think of what you really want, vacation is not an option right now. Read about what positions are going to be in high demand, do they fit for you?
My friend at 52 is going back to school on a government stimulus package that is paying his way in the alternative energy field. What's available for you, hit up the library and find out.
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